Poem: Through the Brokenness

Sometimes we get hurt and then decide to lock ourselves away so that we can't be hurt again. Here's a little story. 

Blood runs down his arm from what’s left of the heart he once wore on his sleeve

A gentle spirit is now imprisoned in an icy palace of indifference

A heart once so trusting is now given to lusting after items to build the walls higher

The women and the drinks, the motions and the winks making people think he cares for nothing

His spirit shivers in its cold prison dreaming of daylight

Hateful glances and cold, harsh sentences patrol the perimeters to ensure no one gets in.

Or out

The distant drums of a siege echo in the surrounding valleys

Hours, days and years pass by as the walls grow taller. And yet, weaker

The piled up sexual relationships, the empty bottles, the glass promises shattered to bits

All packed together, impenetrable

His spirit is becoming restless, pining for outside daily now, visited only by loneliness

It writhes in a silent, melancholy, agony until the pressure of desperation squeezes a tiny cry from within that echoes through the palace walls and beyond

“Help me...”

The walls begin to tremble

Outer defences were weakened by cannonballs of encouragement

Catapults of promises from above brought him to his knees

Scowls fight with all their might but they’re falling fast and giving way to smiles

Random acts of kindness scale the towers of pessimistic expectation and raze them to the ground

Panic spreads among the palace guard

Hearing the sound of battle outside his spirit cried out again

“Help me, please”

The king of the attacking army rose from his throne

“Please I want to get out, I want to be free”

The king put on his armour

“I’m sorry I ever built this place, I’m sorry I ran away”

The king mounts his horse and begins his assault in the wake of his army

Walls become roads before the power of his charge

Barriers become pathways in the wake of love’s fury

His eyes of fire see right through the walls to the inner chamber

The man’s spirit trembles

Face to face with Grace’s embrace, his heart would race if it hadn’t already stopped

The love of Love looks him in the eyes seeing all that he is, sighs and says

Follow me

Real People, Real Relationships - Weaknesses

     Continuing on the theme of people in the Church being real with each other, I'd like to bring up another issue that I've noticed in myself that keeps me from growing and perhaps someone else will be able to relate.

     I'm finding that if someone challenges me on something I do or say sometimes I can be lightning quick at shooting down their challenge with my laser-guided razor sharp justifications. Unfortunately for the person bringing the challenge, they just haven't realised how perfect and flawless I am yet (go back and read that with a tone of sarcasm) so it's my job to explain to them that the weakness they think they've seen is actually one of my greatest strengths! Still don't know what I mean? Maybe an example will help:

Friend: "Hey Bob I was hoping I'd catch you today, I just wanted to share a little something with you because you know I love you and I feel like I should point out something you might not be aware of."

Bob: "Of course friend, you know I love and appreciate your wisdom in my life. What is it?"

Friend: "Well I've noticed that you have a bit of a habit of talking a lot about people when they're not there and speculating as to what is going on in their life. I've seen you do this on a number of occasions and some were particularly harsh and negative. I know you wouldn't do this intentionally but I think you have a problem with gossiping." 

Bob: "Haha! I'm so glad you brought this up! I can totally see where you're coming from but let me explain. You see I'm just a very caring person and so I care what's going on in other people's lives. I also have the gift of discernment so I can usually tell what's happening in others' lives. I'm an external processor so I have to think out loud so talking to people helps me to think. So you see there's nothing to worry about."

Friend: "..."

Bob: "I'm glad we were able to clear that up. This was a good chat."

    Any of that sound familiar? Now I'm not for a second saying that Bob's response couldn't hold an element of truth in it, I just wanted to expose what the surface level of this issue could look and sound like. Bob is likely to start conversations with "I probably shouldn't tell you this but..." or "I'm only telling you this so don't tell anyone but..." Bob clearly has an issue with gossip but he's learned how to dress it up in Christian terms so that he doesn't have to recognise or deal with it and he may even convince his friend of this so the challenge won't be repeated. In fact the more he does it the easier it gets as his conscience gets "seared" leading to a deadening of his conviction (1Tim 4:2) to avoid gossip.

I'll try another example.

Friend: "Don't take this the wrong way Terry but I think  you are quite aggressive and controlling in group settings. It's like we always have to do what you want to do or you get into a mood or try to make us feel bad."

Terry: "Come on friend, don't be such a wimp! You know what I'm like, I'm just a passionate and decisive person! So much of the time everybody is just faffing around someone needs to make a decision so I do. I don't always have to have my way.

Friend: "Last week you said if we didn't play articulate you were going to leave."

Terry: "I was just joking..."

Friend: "You sulked in the kitchen the rest of the night... Was that a joke too?"

Terry: "Well articulate is just better than all the other options."

     Does any of that sounds familiar? When Terry's friend has tried to point out a weakness (aggressive and controlling), Terry has turned it round into an apparent strength (passionate and decisive). Terry's behaviour at the party is the sort of behaviour you'd expect from a toddler but his ability to cover it over with excuses makes it difficult for his friend to get through to him how he is making people feel.

     I think that we all have weaknesses and our ability to recognise those weakness in ourselves or when others bring them up is key us being able to grow together as a church community. I think we need to never get beyond the point where we're willing to have people challenge our behaviour and thoughtfully consider what they say and ask the Holy Spirit to help us take a proper look at ourselves. This takes a massive amount of humility and maturity especially if it's not brought in the way you'd prefer. God sometimes challenges our humility and maturity by sending messages through means that we don't like. For further information see the way Israel's prophets spoke to them... Proverbs 27:6 says that you can trust wounds from trusted friends. I totally believe that but I think we can go too far with that and start to disallow anyone else to speak into our lives. After all our friends won't always be right. We can be tempted to hide away in an ivory tower and surround ourselves with friends that know love us but that we also know largely agree with us and perhaps trap ourselves and end up protecting ourselves from receiving truth which of course is stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying let's have everybody speaking into everybody else's life, although there will be times when people bring us challenges out of the blue who have little or no relationship with us and instead of writing them off straight away we'll need to be in a place where we can hear them out with true wisdom and discernment. I am saying that we should be approachable though. I went through a time in my life where no one would confront me because I gave off a vibe that a) I am pretty perfect and b) You aren't nearly spiritual enough to challenge me. I'm still on a journey of breaking that down but I'm feeling the benefits! I think remembering that God speaks through people will really help us  in this.

     There's also a responsibility on those bringing challenges to be bursting at the seams with grace and love so that they do all that is in their power to ensure that a word of correction is well-received. I've heard a lot of people (including myself) bring direct and accusative challenges to other brothers or sisters under the banner of "tough love" expecting people to listen to them and change. In the second above example, Terry was likely to feel somewhat under attack from the way his friend challenged him and that put him on the defensive. Danny Silk, an american minister would say that the goal of any confrontation among friends should be intimacy or in-to-me-you-see. That is, is challenging one another's behaviour our first objective should be to allow the other person to see how their behaviour is affecting us (or others) on the inside. A simple way to think about this is not starting our sentences with "YOU". "You are selfish and evil." But rather starting them with "I". "I feel like sometimes you make yourself and what you want more important than me and that hurts." This means we accept that our perception might not fully reflect reality but we're showing it to our friend who believe cares how we feel and allowing them to process it. (Gents this isn't going to win you any MAN OF THE YEAR awards in the world but you'll definitely be a candidate for sonship Matthew 5:9)

     Lastly I think remembering that no-one has it altogether keeps us from being afraid of exposing our weaknesses to ourselves and to others. I've found it hugely liberating and empowering to discover that other people in the Church have issues that they're are still working through and God still loves them, speaks to them and uses them! Without making a parade out of I think exposing our weaknesses also encourages others to work through theirs. An English minister Christen Forster said something like "When we hide from God we hide from ourselves, when we hide from ourselves we hide from each other and then we end up thinking we're pretty righteous." Let's not run from truth and transformation because we don't like the packaging it came in. See the Pharisees for further details. and let's encourage and empower each other to grow and become more like Jesus by being challenging one another with boundless grace.

Final thought: "Accountability is not just someone pointing out your faults, it's about someone holding you to your calling." - Ian Rossol

Do have a read of the post "Real People, Real Relationships - Honesty" for further thoughts on this area.
http://tony-campbell.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/real-people-real-relationships-honesty.html